THESE REALLY WORK!! AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING

    SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET

    SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF

   AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE

   ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL

   PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP

   AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES.

   THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.

    IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T

    MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL

   PROBLEM.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY

GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN

THEY'RE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS

SOME ADDITIONAL ADVICE FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: NEVER, UNDER

ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TAKE A LAXATIVE AND SLEEPING PILLS ON THE SAME NIGHT.