As heard on the Good Stuff with Jim Thompson

A for arthritis,
B for bad back,
C is for chest pains.
Perhaps cardiac?

D is for dental replacements and decline,
E is for eyesight--can't read that top line?
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas (which I'd rather not mention.)

H for high blood pressure (I'd rather have low)
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, that now fail to flex,
L for libido--what happened to sex?

K is for my knees that crack when they're bent,
M is for Memory and it ain't worth a cent?
N for neurosis, pinched nerves and stiff neck,
O is for osteo- and all bones that crack.

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
Give me more pills; I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasiness, wine or the flu?
R is for reflux-- one meal becomes two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears?
T for tinnitus--I hear bells in my ears.
U is for urinary: difficulties with flow,
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy", you know.

W is for worry, now what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I've left behind
Z is for zest that I still have my mind!

Have survived all the symptoms my body's deployed,
And kept twenty-six doctors gainfully employed!